After putting off a trip to Dhaka for weeks now, I’ve decided that it’s time to go and get myself checked out, health wise. Something just ain’t right.
I’m constantly tired. And not just kinda tired, but passing out on my bed after work for an hour, followed by a 9pm bedtime, topped off by a struggle to get out bed at 8am. A mere 11 hours later. And the weird stomach sensations/pain, and dizziness. These are all such fluffy and vague symptoms, I feel like a bit of a fraud taking time off to go to the doctor. The doctor isn’t around the corner here, she is a 10 hour trip away. So a visit to the doctor is usually at least a 3 day round trip.
It’s all so vague and it comes and goes, and sometimes I feel like it’s all just in my head. I don’t need to be rushed to hospital because of something physically obvious (like my arm has fallen off, or I’m bleeding out of my eyes). But after a few weeks of this, I feel like I’m running on empty and just can’t carry on. It’s just all SO dramatic isn’t it. And I’m also getting weirdly emotional about it all. Perhaps a sign of over tiredness.
Quite a rubbish time for this to reach a tipping point, I’ll be missing a huge yearly Buddhist festival here, and depending on how long I need to stay in Dhaka, maybe a visit by some Rotarians from the UK. This visit is providing quite a big deal for my organisaiton, it’s all about continued funding/sponsorship/support. But looking at my work plan this is the best time to do it. My work plan is basically lying in pieces, quivering in the corner of the office as it’s been changed/ignored/abused to such an extent that it no longer even resembles its former self. Such is the life of ‘planning’ in development, and I think especially development in Bangladesh.
And I can’t have this lethargy for any longer. I’m beginning to feel that I’m running out of time here, what Eid coming up (another 3 day holiday), Xmas around the corner (I’ll be taking a week off), the VSO annual conference (another week in January). All these breaks result in break in momentum and after each it’s hard to pick it all up again. Before you know it, I’ll be finished my placement and I need my energy to do the best I can with the time I have left.
And if for nothing else, I need to still my maddening mind. At this point I really hope there IS something wrong with me, otherwise I might just be going mad.